The cold, the wind, the slush, the clogging and pushing and grunting. I absolutely hate it and will pay someone else to do it every time. It is, in my eyes, the worst homeowner chore we have to do. I’d rather clean the chicken coop full of poop.
On my Tuesday discipleship call today, we asked the question: What is Biblical obedience?
We discussed the difference between religion and relationship, the connection between love for God and love for others, and the Mary versus Martha mentality. I don’t have a perfect definition, but I think that Biblical obedience is love in action that springs from a heart oriented toward Jesus. Something like that, is what He wants from us.
This week I got an email requesting my Annual Report for an Ordained Elder in the Church of the Nazarene. As an ordained elder, I am responsible to report to my district leadership what I’ve been up to with my credentials this year.
-How many times have you preached this year? 0
-How many calls have you made this year? 0
-Share a brief testimony about how God’s been moving in your ministry this year: Mostly I’ve been healing, cultivating hope and life again after a year long mental health crisis. Oh, and snowblowing.
It’s easy to answer these questions and feel like a total failure. I haven’t used my credentials because I’ve been too sick to do so. I am just starting to creep slowly back into ministry responsibilities at our new church. Key word - slowly.
When I first started out in ministry, I was naive and therefore surprised to discover that in the church, there is a career ladder, just like there is in any other field. You might think this wouldn’t be the case, that pastors wouldn’t be ambitious like that, but unfortunately you’d be wrong. There is totally a ladder, and plenty of people trying to climb it. It kind of makes my stomach churn.
For a while, I was on that ride; that is until my mental health plummeted and everything came crashing down in a heap. All the years I spent teaching and preaching and serving and building came to a screeching halt. I had to close my church plant because I was too sick to function. Relationships disintegrated.
One weird thing about churches is that when you stop showing up, no one pursues you to find out why. Poof, you just disappear, and like a cult, they stay in the church, never peering out to see what happened. I think this is sadly one of the biggest downfalls of our churches today. They don’t look for relationships beyond their own little group. It’s very weird and should raise some red flags.
Anyways, it’s taken some time to find my footing since I set down everything I had built my life around like that. I often ask Jesus what exactly is going on and what He is doing in this weird season. One day He answered me. It sounded like this:
Me: Jesus what are you doing? Where am I going?
Me: That’s kind of a relief. What should I focus on then?
Jesus: Snowblowing. You know, stuff like that.
I used to think that Biblical obedience meant something extravagant, like saying YES when God calls you to go to Africa. I’m sure that is obedience for those people. But I’m learning that for me, and probably for most of us, the harder kind of obedience is saying yes to the daily shuffle.
I can get on a platform and preach a good message, but can I love my kids?
I can teach a good Sunday school lesson and lead a good discipleship group, but can I have patience and self-control when it’s needed most?
I can lead a worship set, but can I serve my husband by snowblowing the stupid snow before he gets home and has to do it himself?
I used to want to take on the world. Build something big. Make a difference. Be uniquely qualified. Be remembered. These days, obedience calls me to focus on smaller things. Snow blow the snow. Fill the bird feeders. Cook the dinner. Clean the chicken coop. Do the laundry. Work the mundane job. Pick up after the remodel work. Have the friends over. Pray for the children. Stock the pantry. Walk the dog.
It is freeing to be in a smaller place, but for me it is also harder in many ways. Truth be told, public speaking comes easier to me than having patience for my children or snow blowing for my husband out of a heart of love. As my sister recently said, we do not get to choose the tools of our sanctification, they just come to us without our permission, and they change us.
I think it’s good that I’m paying more attention to the life I actually have, rather than what I can build to change the world in the future. I am convinced that rather than climbing any ladders, Jesus wants me to sit at the foot of the ladder and not even look up. That’s good news, because it’s restful sitting with Jesus.
Maybe my annual report should look more like this:
-Times preached: 0
-Calls made: 0
But…
-Lessons learned through suffering: many
-Hope cultivated through healing: lots
-Faith strengthened through trial: tremendously
And most importantly…
-Driveway snow blowed from a heart of love: all winter long.
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