Scatter My Darkness: Lost

“For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost.”

-Jesus, Luke 19:10

When I was a wee child, I had my first real experience of feeling lost. I was at a store with my mother, and I briefly became separated from her. My childlike line of vision could only see lots of adult legs walking past me. I searched frantically until finally - I spotted mom’s legs! I ran to her and wrapped myself around her legs, sitting on her feet. I slowly looked up to see her face when, to my little heart’s horror, I realized I was hugging the legs of a stranger! I was more lost than ever.

Being lost is like that. It’s being all alone in a big scary world where people just walk past you. And then to make matters worse, it’s grabbing onto all the wrong solutions.

When I was older, I took my newlywed husband for a walk in the woods at our cabin in Northern
Michigan. I charged confidently ahead; after all, I was familiar with these woods! I had been exploring them since I was a child. We walked for some time and then we took a break, at which point I experienced something that can only be described as akin to Vertigo. Trees surrounded us on all sides and I recognized nothing. The world spun. It was dizzying, and I realized we were quite lost.

Being lost can be like that too. It’s being confident and leading the way, only to end up somewhere unplanned and unfamiliar, spinning aimlessly.

I lost my son once when he was just a toddler. It was the worst 10 minutes of my life. It was at a wedding at our church. Poof! He was gone. We had a group of people searching frantically for him, calling his name. When we were just about to call the police he emerged sheepishly from a bathroom stall.

Being lost can be like that, too. It’s when you’re just going about your business as usual, not realizing that Someone who loves you deeply is calling out your name, trying to find you.

I’ve been lost in dingey apartments with the curtains closed and questionable company. I’ve been lost in piles of cigarette butts, in pipes and closets filled with hidden booze bottles. I’ve been lost in different cities that I thought would solve all my problems and I’ve been lost in the recesses of my own mind because, as my dad always warned me, no matter where you go, there you are.

I’ve been lost in bipolar manic episodes and in the deep black valley of depression that follows. I’ve been lost in the muck of faith crisis and deconstructing my beliefs. I’ve been lost as a mother, lost as a wife, lost as a child and debatably even more lost as an adult.

But for all the lostness I have experienced, God has compensated me with all the joys of being found. Jesus came to seek and save the lost. And he compensates for the years the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25).

What is it, then, to be found by Jesus?

Being found is like the sun finally rising again. It’s when the depression cloud finally moves on. It’s flowers in the Spring and the way my dog wags his tail to greet me every time I come home.

It’s falling asleep with the same arms around me every night and waking up to the same sound of little feet every morning.

Most importantly, being found has to do with the person named Jesus. You see it’s not about where I might be going on this journey, it’s about Who I’m following on the way. Being found is when you finally wave the white flag and surrender yourself to Him.

It is the human experience to feel lost. Everyone, at one time or another, loses their way. Everyone makes a wrong decision that causes them to lose their footing. Some go deeper into the lost than others. Some turn around quickly; others grab a shovel and keep digging. Finances, jobs, relationships, the future, sickness, suffering - all things that can leave us feeling lost, floundering on the waves. Life can feel like a maze we will never escape.

Where do you feel lost today?