Rearranged

When was the last time you rearranged your living room? Your bedroom? Your kitchen cupboards? What about the storage in your basement, or the garage? Each time I rearrange any part of my house, I usually find myself giving a lot of things away, clearing out, simplifying. Trash bags are filled and boxes are packed to take to the mission.

I am coming out of a season of being rearranged. God knows my house needs it, but I’m not talking about my house. I’m talking about myself.

Have you ever sensed that God is looking down at your life, and simply reaching down at random and re-ordering everything around you? Let’s see…we’ll just pick up this friendship here, turn it sideways, and move it over there…then we’ll take this relationship here and throw some miracle-grow on it because it’s coming along a little slowly and I have plans for it….this stress over here we can totally lift…and this fear is silly and it’s time to take that as well…add a little conviction there because that has to change…now to put a totally new perspective on this situation over here…

Now I know God’s works are not random, and I praise Him that I can see Him moving in my life. But sometimes it just seems like He sure is working a lot. For me, most of winter this year has been spent in a strange, uncomfortable uncertainty, with several moments where God has clearly shown me some things I need to change. Other things He has simply changed for me, and for those I am most grateful. But in these months as I have been in prayer and scripture, the word would surface in my mind again and again…Just hold steady, you are being rearranged….

I know that as long as I am a living sinner, there is more to be done. But I believe this season of being rearranged has passed. This one filled at least a couple of spiritual trash bags and boxes. But I am left with the same feeIing I get after sorting, cleaning, and simplifying my home – the feeling of calm and quiet, the freedom of less clutter.

So the Lenten season ushered in a new season for me, one of quiet and calm. I realize now that for a long time I have woken up every day feeling like I was attached to a giant bungee cord…too many things to do pulling me in too many different directions, fueled largely by my own anxiety which can make it sound like there is a wild, raging circus going on inside of my head 24 hours a day. So I am slowing down, and lo and behold, the world is turning without me constantly worrying about it.

How is it that even in trying to do the right things, I can still get totally lost in self and fall away from Jesus, missing the point entirely? I can give of my time and my heart, I can try to love the people around me, I can go to church and worship, and I can do all of these things while still being restless and caught up in me rather than caught up in the Savior. So I learn that DOING does not equal KNOWING Jesus. Good old self strikes again.

Today as I spend time in my devotions, God is reminding me, almost daily, to slow down. In the sermon this week, Jesus spoke harshly and directly with Peter (Mark 8:33). It’s rare for me to sense this directness in my own life, but anytime I start to feel the bungee-cord effect, I just sense Him telling me to knock it off and slow down. And I do.

Our Pastor mentioned this week how the crosses we take up (see Mark 8:34) all look different from one person to the next, and how they all change with the seasons of our lives. This hit home with me. If taking up my cross means nothing more or less than obedience to Jesus in each moment, hour, day, week, and season of my life, then right now for me it takes the simple form of slowing down.

Stop the frantic activity, stop the constant thinking and figuring. Stop doing things just because you feel like you should be doing something. Stop holding on so tight to everything, because Jesus is God and I am not. Stop being Martha, it is time to be Mary, so sit at His feet and listen (Luke 10:38-39).Get quiet and look to Him - not to everything that might be close to Him but not quite Him - just Him. Pick up the Bible, be quiet, and be content.

Today I am picturing myself like a slow-motion video, and I’m going to try to keep it that way. I know there are other Marthas out there, other frantic kindred spirits who feel like the world will fall in if you stop doing your 1,000 tasks per day. Let’s all remember that we are not the glue which holds the universe together. HE is.