Dying and Rising

“I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!” - Mark 9:24

I don’t know for certain many things, but I know my vision is the clearest when I look at Jesus. He keeps drawing me back to himself. When I am confused or questioning why life is the way it is (death, suffering, pandemic, mass shootings, etc.), I don’t get all the answers. Instead, I get his steady presence, bidding me to trust him above and beyond the baffling circumstances of life. This is not an easy calling, and so I cry out, with so many of the saints, “I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!”

I let go of the lie that I should always be ascending. It is a tricky lie that says I should always be getting better, healthier, wiser. Building more and accomplishing more. Climbing the ladder, always upwards. Neverending progress.

I exchange this lie for the truth of descension. That is, he must become more, I must become less. Jesus didn’t say you had to be a grown-up to enter into the Kingdom of God, he said it’s best that we are wide-eyed, wonder-filled, dependent children. I must trust that his strength and power really do rest on my weakness. 

I exchange that lie, too, for the truth that the Christ-following life is a continual cycle of dying and rising,

dying and rising, dying and rising. Not ascending but dying, only to rise, only to find need of dying again. This is the rhythm of the Christ-shaped life. 

This rhythm takes me down the ladder, not up. Descending, always descending. Headed downward, to more dependency, more trust, more release of the control I wrongly thought I had. 

It’s not bad down here. The view can actually be breathtaking when you realize that God has plans for you that don’t involve climbing the ladder. It is a city of rest where the river of life flows slowly and resurrection power runs in your veins. It is with Mary at Jesus’ feet, while the Martha world spins without me. 

And it’s only disturbed when I think I have to try again to climb the stupid ladder. 

Then I am right back to my knees, saying, “I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!”