Nerf Bullets

My yard is littered with nerf bullets that have been munched up by the lawn mower. 

There are kid fingerprints all over the window of the back door and I keep finding plastic popsicle wrappers in random places.

It’s Summer.

I’ve been thinking about Summers when I was a kid. I remember sunshine and popsicles! And dirt and having to come in when the street lights came on. I remember neighborhood kickball and hide and seek. I remember eating a good dinner and sleeping hard from all the fresh air. 

And long hours of good old-fashioned politically incorrect cartoons.

And the exquisite joy of fireflies. 

It was a simpler time perhaps, but I don’t believe in completely romanticizing it, as some are prone to do. There were, after all, real dangers and threats. There were big brothers who were true assholes and couldn’t be trusted with little girls. There were bees and snakes, cars that drove too fast, and skinned knees. There were scary dogs and questionable parents with questionable habits. Life held real dangers then, just as it does for our kids today. 

Sometimes we think the world is the craziest, scariest, most dangerous that it has ever been for this generation of kids. But I think this just perpetuates fear that isn’t helpful for them or us. To be sure, the world is a different place than it used to be. We are less connected to our communities and more bombarded than ever with bad news via technology. It's everywhere, and we all know it.

Did you know that they are reinstating mask mandates in California schools? I can only assume it’s not because masks work, but because they actually literally hate the children. Today congress codified gay marriage and our society is making it a priority to argue whether boys can have vaginas. Free speech is being censored, inflation is up, gas prices are up, grocery prices are up. Church attendance is down. Crime is up and trust in law enforcement is down. Addiction is up, obesity is up, sickness is everywhere, people are fat and sick and dying. War is ongoing. They are trying to divide us by race, class, gender, political party, and anything else they can come up with. Blah blah blah. 

There is no shortage of bad news and reasons to clutch our pearls and keep little Billy home where nothing bad can get him. Seriously though, it’s easy to want to just hunker down with some guns and rice and hope to outlive the crazy. 

But friends, have you seen how much GOOD is out there too? 

Have you been STUNNED by how glorious it can be?

When was the last time you were FLABBERGASTED by the beauty of life?

Take, for example, music. 

Or friendship.

A field of sunflowers.

Chickens pecking.

A dog wagging.

Fresh cut lawns and morning glories. Sunsets and sand on your feet. The smell of freshly washed sheets and the crunch of a fresh cucumber from the garden. 

Think of the way children look when they come parading in the house in the middle of a hot afternoon, all red-faced and hot, needing a popsicle.  Simply glorious!

There is a secret I think they don’t want us to know: life is glorious and brilliant, and there are some things they just can’t take away from us! 

Maybe the world is full of a lot of weird stuff right now, but when you come down to it, it’s also filled with a lot of people who are just trying hard to do their best. Wanting the best for their kids, their families, their friends, all while navigating an increasingly complex and tragic world. Good people. Tired people. People just like me and you.

So I’m contending for the good - and we really do have to contend for it. If we don’t fight for it, the dark side of the world will just wash over us like a tidal wave. Little acts of war keep us going, keep us from being consumed. 

So fight the fight! 

Pick the blueberries!

Watch the sunrise!

Listen to the song again!

Keep going. Contend for the good with me.

Drywall Dust

There is a thin layer of drywall dust covering everything in my house.

It covers shelves, tables, racks, electronics and the life jackets that are piled randomly under the desk in the dining room. 

There is no way around it, it’s just part of remodeling. Clean it up. Rinse. Repeat. 

We are currently updating our second bathroom and office. We have already completed our first bathroom, our exterior siding on the house and workshop, our basement hunting room, stabilized our home’s foundation and updated our chicken coop. We’ve also put in a new stove and dishwasher, and Theo laid out a massive garden this year with a timer-set irrigation system. 

The chickens are laying, the cucumbers are growing, and we are building, always building. 

Sometimes I think there is an end in sight, but really it’s just a brief pause, a reprieve until the next project begins. With the demo. And the noise. And the drywall dust.

Life is like this.

I think there is something in our nature that makes us want to always be progressing. We feel like we should always be moving forward and upward, onto bigger and better things. We learn life lessons and we feel like we’ve leveled up. There is an invisible staircase we are always trying to climb.

But God. 

He comes and tells us that even though we are done with one room, the next one still has to be completely stripped down to bare studs and remade. The electric needs rewiring and the plumbing needs adjustment. And even though we just finished that other room beautifully, there will once again be drywall dust on everything. 

And realistically, the rooms are endless. There’s no finished project on this side of heaven, just a continual preparation for the life to come. 

Fourteen years ago I stumbled into my first AA Meeting. High hopes and the idealism of being only 21 led me to think that I would always be growing into a better version of myself. Maybe I have, but what I’ve realized is that the growth is not linear. It’s not leveling up. It’s not climbing the staircase.

It’s more like wandering from inner room to inner room, all of which are perpetually under construction. Some are farther along than others. Occasionally one gets finished out with nice white trim and clean paint and a sweet bouquet of flowers sitting in a vase on the desk. But mostly it’s just under construction - all of it - all the time.  Drywall dust everywhere.

Sometimes the demo is loud and painful. Things come creaking and screaming off the walls. The tools used are mighty for destruction. The clean-up is an event. 

Other times you are deep in the finish work, with mud and trim and paint and flooring all meticulously laid out and installed. 

I’ve spent years upon years trying to “get better.” First from drug and alcohol addiction, and more recently from mental illness. I keep going back to that old urge to progress, to level up, to climb the staircase. And I’m tired.

Maybe it’s not about getting better. Maybe it’s more about wandering from room to room, checking out what the Master Carpenter is up to with his perfect plans, perfect timing, and perfect progress. After all, he promises to carry on his work in us until completion when he returns again (Philippians 1:6). 

I was reminded twice this week that I don’t hold onto Jesus, Jesus holds onto me. That’s his work. And there’s so much peace in that. 

And let’s not forget that in all the remodeling, beautiful things are born. Beautiful, orderly, clean, colorful, happy things. You just have to live in the drywall dust while you wait.